Thursday, December 30, 2010

Moving forward, or back ground?

The hardest thing was telling my family. I got an initial diagnosis of MND - motor neuron disease late October. As the doc said, not going to call it ALS yet, but whatever it is it's not much better. Disease everywhere. I cried for four days straight and then picked myself up. WTF? Seriously, for all my life I've needed to be exquisitely tuned into what my body was doing - low blood sugar, high blood sugar, blah blah blah. The diabetes almost killed me when I was 10, so that's hmmmm 46 years ago (how can that possibly be since I'm sure I'm only 45?). At the time, there were no blood checks, just stupid urine tests that gave some approximation of what was happening 2 hours previous (things are so much better today!). Oh yeah, and my life expectancy was 20 years. So I figured I'd be dead by age 30. So I spent most of my life tuning into the physical, and now this? Is this a joke! The one disease that can take away all your strength, all movement, but leaves your senses intact? It's kind of ironic don't you think? So I took good enough, diligent, hyper vigilant care of myself, taking few things for granted so I could live long enough for this? It's a riot! I'm feeling pretty special. Think I'll go play the lottery!
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2 comments:

  1. DivahJanuary 5, 2011 at 4:55 PM

    I hear ya. I remember the resentment I felt when I was diagnosed with cancer--I was in the best shape of my life--WTF!?!

    And as much as I'm sure right now you'd like to not be so special--you are oh so special in so many ways--most of them great :)

    And just think--now you get to be as cranky and bitchy as you want--with good cause......... :)

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  2. themadameMarch 5, 2011 at 6:56 PM

    Greetings Miss Sara!!! Barbara Bush here.....old Colorado days.....Libby forwarded your blog to me, and sister Betty (the amazing Betty Bush) just wrote you a long wonderful touching sensitive sincere note and then lost in it the blog bog.
    So here we are......sitting in my little home in Carbondale, sending you love, and hugs, and looking at Mt Sopris, on a cold gray March day~~ made a little brighter by connecting with you again,........ even though it sounds like the waters are a little rough right now..........all love, Barbara

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