Moving forward, or back ground?

The hardest thing was telling my family. I got an initial diagnosis of MND - motor neuron disease late October. As the doc said, not going to call it ALS yet, but whatever it is it's not much better. Disease everywhere. I cried for four days straight and then picked myself up. WTF? Seriously, for all my life I've needed to be exquisitely tuned into what my body was doing - low blood sugar, high blood sugar, blah blah blah. The diabetes almost killed me when I was 10, so that's hmmmm 46 years ago (how can that possibly be since I'm sure I'm only 45?). At the time, there were no blood checks, just stupid urine tests that gave some approximation of what was happening 2 hours previous (things are so much better today!). Oh yeah, and my life expectancy was 20 years. So I figured I'd be dead by age 30. So I spent most of my life tuning into the physical, and now this? Is this a joke! The one disease that can take away all your strength, all movement, but leaves your senses intact? It's kind of ironic don't you think? So I took good enough, diligent, hyper vigilant care of myself, taking few things for granted so I could live long enough for this? It's a riot! I'm feeling pretty special. Think I'll go play the lottery!

Happy New Year! the world tilted in 2010

This is what I would have put onto facebook if I hadn't been so long winded!  Since I've been writing about this stuff, and encouraged by several to blog, I guess I'll start here, and work forward and backward!

Despite 2010 being the most challenging year I've ever experienced, happiness & peace are in my little corner.  Hope that's true for you too.  There have been many blessings in deep, deep disguise.  Working on being grateful in a world that feels a bit tilted. Surgery, disease, loss, loss, more loss (I never need to worry about loosing weight ever again but I certainly don't recommend my path in this area).  After seven months, five doctors, oodles of tests, I was officially diagnosed on December 20th with ALS - If you don't know what this is, please DON'T ask me - if you are curious just google it.  Hard to find the good side of this, but dammit, I am in surprising and strange ways!    For those of you who know me, you know I've had lots of practice dealing with the existential issues of death and dying.  This is the hugest blessing and I am very very grateful.  I have never been so serious in my life.  Every moment in life provides us the opportunity to become a fuller richer human being.  Very little in life worth having is easy.  PLEASE, no advice needed, thank you very much!  Wishing blessings for everyone - ones that will make you wiser, kinder, stronger, more compassionate, more human and humane.  I wish you a very Happy New Year!